| i heard you say, jenny, you're barely alive |
[18 Apr 2005|04:14am] |
i heard you fell into a rabbit hole
covered yourself up in snow
baby tell me where'd you go
for days and days
did they make you stay up all night?
did they paint your face that pastey white
you're thirsty but your appetite gets chased away
sun turns us to stone
it's a cloudy day
but we still can't go home
i've been out that cellar door
till we see the moon
we're invisible
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[23 Mar 2005|10:48pm] |
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here robert, i made you something.
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[05 Jan 2005|06:31pm] |
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the king has fallen.
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| awesome |
[13 Nov 2004|03:08pm] |
thanks charles. that was rock and roll dreams forevor. you're too cool for school. too cool for floriduh.
oh yeah, awesome is a song by veruca salt and i have this intense need to hear it now.
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[09 Nov 2004|11:59pm] |
this acoustic version of such great heights by iron and wine is going to give me a heart ache or something.
i thought garden state was a really good movie. if not very audience selective.
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[03 Nov 2004|05:20am] |
i swear to god i turned off the hall light.
after i got the diet coke for my whiskey.
i play a cameo appearance here.
i'm going back.
and come january, we're moving on.
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| election day |
[03 Nov 2004|05:15am] |
it's the end of the world
as we know it.
of course, i feel fine.
Armageddon is through scaring me.
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[16 Oct 2004|03:08am] |
i love the hypocricy. i love the ridiculousness.
i love anything that has inner conflict in a ridiculous way. in the way that it's so ridiculous you can't even imagine taking it seriously. of course it leaves me with having no idea what to reply or how to take it. so mostly i don't.
stark contrast.
the mousy, grey haired 55 year old prep lady jamming to korn when we walk in.
the manager drinking chardonnay in a water glass.
that sort of thing.
the drama that i crave.
someone propositioned me for an affair offering me a movie and a 20 year old bottle of whiskey.
i had plans.
that's the sort of thing i'd only do for the novelty. it's also something i'd turn down for the novelty of it.
i think i've become some what sociopathic. not in the american psycho way. more related to not seperating reality from fiction way.
but only outside the confines of the mod squad.
people that care about you are the only ones you can hurt. because they're the only ones that will let you.
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[15 Oct 2004|02:40am] |
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we all have to be bad at something.
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[03 Oct 2004|10:18pm] |
There must be some kind of planet
For all the people who can manage
All of us who can handle it
With all of this damage
There must be some kind of message
Simple but somehow impressive
Anyone who can think of something
Come on now just express it
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[30 Sep 2004|08:54am] |
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I know not who I am but I talk in the mirror to the stranger that appears. Our conversations are circles and always one sided, nothing is clear. Except we keep coming back to this meaning that I lack. He says the choices were given and now I must live them or just not live, but do you want that?
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[30 Sep 2004|07:40am] |
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you'll feel better when you cannot feel.
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| movables lose their identity or become an integral part of the immovable |
[29 Sep 2004|02:13am] |
it would take something that wasn't real to make me feel like i was.
48 hours of dissolusionment and void identity was probably intuitive premeditation for watching the movie.
indentification with others' pain is so much more caustic than simply noting it.
vague idealization as oppossed to empathasizing makes you so much less vulnerable to the pestilance of it.
troubled thoughts are like a disease.
still waters run deep.
turbulant can be as shallow your bathtub.
reflecting a fear isn't feeling it.
smiling doesn't imply joy.
me and nic were trying to identify our emotional absence with a stereotype. and animals were the closest we could think of. moments and impulses. stories are always the same. pain is cliche and universal. people do it to each other in different ways but they are the same. trite and overplayed and eventually, meaningless. there intesity is only valid until the ripples of it no longer disturb the surface. you eventually forget the volatile nature of the details and they simply become details. you can list them off. describe them. evoke faded sensations even. but the pang you felt at certain words or circumstances can't be relived. the emotional value is determined by you. memory's weight on you is subconsciously determined. you can will it's value to nil.
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[28 Sep 2004|07:24pm] |
the theme song for mash is entitled "suicide is painless".
you can get it as a ring tone.
also, if you're not listening to savage nation, you should be.
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[24 Sep 2004|04:05pm] |
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came home from dropping nic off at work 32 minutes late (because we had to go to china gate. and my dad is here watching ghost which really cracks me up. my tongue is uncomfortably grey-ish and i think it may have been the four nights of binge drinking in a row (safety first) and the cigarettes smoked. mr. kitty misses me. weird week. i've only been drunk after dark so far (except when i wake up dizzy). tim bought me and ty dinner at the depot. it's pretty hard rock. 3 discs of nip/tuck for 21 dollars. i missed last weeks episode and i'm sad. this next one sounds really good though from the previews. at first me and nic were calling it the new picket fences until i realized picket fences was sort of like the new twin peaks 10 years ago. and i'm refusing to watch any other tv dramas (except reruns of judging amy and law & order svu on tnt during the day). i need to get ready for work, but really i'm bored with the idea. if dot's working i'm going to kill myself. brad is dating mandy again and me and jen talked for 31 minutes and 31 seconds heatedly over the phone about it last night. i was drunk, but i don't think jen was. but it doesn't change the fact we are both infuriated over it. you don't keep dating someone that insults that intensely and bi-weekly in the first month. especially when she decided to break up with him cause his parents insulted her (this was in the same day they kicked him out & changed the locks for things that weren't his fault. she's like 30. he's like 21. she's sucking the life out of him). especially not when they're mandy, "the girl who'll fuck anything". poor brad. god. though i can't say i can think of a single relationship that doesn't depress me to look at currently. people ruin each other. ok. work. clothes. make up. hair. i'm full of artificial sweetner.
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[24 Sep 2004|02:07pm] |
happy birthday nathan.
sorry i have to work.
i hope you're having fun.
xxx
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[19 Sep 2004|04:06pm] |
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tommy knockers tommy knockers knocking at my door
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